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Pssh. Fuck the rules, I HAVE MONEY!
~ Bush
I just wanted to tell you all good luck. We're all counting on you.
~ Bush's cathphrase.

President Bush (full name: Eugene Fisher Bush), also known as President Pid'jin is a supporting character in the webcomic Pastamonsters. He is addicted to money, convinced it is a living thing, and is therefore selfish and greedy. He was born on December 25th, 1902, and sometimes acts as the comic's tertiary villain. He is the president of the United States of America.

He is pretty much considered a full-blown Protagonist Villain now. He has a recurring tendency to exploit his employees, subjecting all of America to his tyranny, and even exhibits sadism towards The Dark World.

Role in the series

Bush was born with the blood of a president. His grandfather mostly taught and raised him. During his preteen years, he took over the family fortune. However, he realized he was not making a profit, so he decided to run away with his grandfather's last words haunting him, "A president never lies."

He then joined the Pacific Navy. Where he earned the nickname Crazy Legs Bush. He fought in both World Wars.

Bush's presidency began after the war, where he was secluded in the deep depression that seemed endless. His luck changed when he rigged an election by changing the polls and assassinating his opponents, thus making him President of the World. 

Bush funds Slenderman and his Proxies, allowing them to kill his own citizens, as long as he makes a benefit out of it.

Personality

As stated above, Bush is extremely greedy and miserly, often being portrayed as being just as bad as; if not even worse than the shows main villain, Enderman. His only interest is to have money, and he could not care less about his employees, family or even himself. He frequently associates his customers and products with money, with lines such as "That's my money walking out the door!" or "The money is always right." It should be noted that, while Bush's portrayal shows him as being obsessed with money to the point of anthropomorphizing it from the beginning, he became more miserly, cheap and immoral as the series progressed. His money hunger may stem from his childhood poverty.

Bush is far from a hero, in fact, he can be described as a flat-out Villain Protagonist. Bush is responsible for countless genocides of many foreign nations, with cities, towns, countries, and small settlements being completely destroyed, alongside all their inhabitants, while their homes are left to rot or decimated to make room for Bush's military bases. To increase his already formidable power, Bush will also plunder other countries of their riches and resources (especially oil) and enslave surrounding citizens to do the heavy lifting. Those that refuse are often tortured and executed. 

Despite his cruel and tyrannical personality, Bush seems to have a soft spot for children at times, as he enjoys reading to his daughter, Ducky's, grandchildren and is rather protective of them. He is also kind to American children, giving them free candy and inspiring them to become successful grown-ups. However, this seems to be most indicative of his views of seeing immense value in convincing them via various means to view him as the "hero" of their country, making them useful servants in the future to shape successive generations. 

However, in stark contrast to this, the Proxies and Bush's many associates hurt, torment, and murder children on a daily basis and Bush himself doesn't seem to mind. In "Outta the Ball Park" a fleet of US soldiers decimated a village in Afghanistan and tried to kill a little girl and her mother. Jeff, Laughing Jack, and SUICIDEMOUSE.EXE made a habit out of massacring entire neighborhoods, children included, and they are still considered Bush's "favorite Proxies". It is also shown that Bush welcomes serial killers and terrorists from across the world and allows them to destroy and massacre populated neighborhoods that are explicitly shown to have children within them.

He is prone to fits of insanity if he has to give up as much as a penny. It's strongly suggested that he is a serial killer, not unlike the Proxies. He flatly admits to poisoning other electoral opponents to eliminate the competition; it's strongly suggested that his gardener "got sick" and "fell" off a cliff, that his former vice president "met the shallow end of a shovel at the deep end of a grave" and died recently, and that his 13th accountant choked to death on her own hand, with the strong implication that Bush killed all three.

He often goes to irrationally great lengths to acquire or to avoid losing money with little, if any, regard to the safety or well-being of others or even himself. It reveals that Bush always remembers the price for everything he has bought which proves his greed has a strong memory. At one point, he sells his wife's soul to Zalgo for 16 cents, despite the fact that she put her life on the line to protect him from the demon. In one episode when BEN is believed to be the king of Under Realm. Bush allows him to spend the night at the White House in the hopes of getting tons of money. Bush promptly kicked BEN out (literally) when he discovered that he never intended to pay at all, shouting, "No one stays at my home for free, king or no king!". 

Presiden Bush can also be incredibly racist. He firmly believes everyone from Iran to be evil and pays African-Americans more to attend his rallies.

Despite his cruel and money-grubbing behavior, Bush is not completely heartless. He has apologized for his actions on occasion, and he does care for his daughter Ducky, going to great lengths to acquire food for her and buying her all the expensive accessories she wants. Despite his abusive treatment of Slenderman and his proxies, he does care for and appreciate them, as they help keep his life afloat. 

Powers and abilities

  • Air-Intake: Bush can inexplicitly breathe in space with no real explanation.
  • Inhumane Strength: Bush has superhuman levels of strength. He is able to lift cars as well as small buildings over his head with no visible effort.
  • Incredible Speed: While in the navy, Bush was able to build 15 Navy ships in 5.1 seconds.
  • Durability: Much like most Pastamonsters characters, Bush has an almost cartoonish level of durability. He has survived a fall from space, getting rammed by a bull, and the explosion of a nuclear power plant.
  • Regenreative Powers: Jeff has the ability to heal dismembered limbs with ease. It is unknown has Jeff required this ability.
  • Marksmanship: Bush is well-known for his firearm collection and his incredible skill with them. He presumably learned this ability during his job in the navy.
  • Healing Factor: When he accidentally chopped his hand off while chopping meat, Bush immediately regenerated his hand with little effort. Later in the episode, the chopped off hand regenerated into another Bush.
  • Magic Resistant: Bush appears to be able to resist magic, this is shown when he was able to overpower Ms. P's immobilization and shockwave attack with ease.

  • Tier: High 7-A physically, Unknown with his nuclear watch
  • Age: 114
  • Attack Potency: Likely City Level (Simoteniuosly manhandled Jeff, BEN, Ms. P and Eyeless Jack in a fight), Unknown with his watch
  • Speed: Likely Relativistic+ (Can easily keep up with Jeff, BEN, Ms. P and Eyeless Jack. Built 15 navy ships in under 5.1 seconds. Wiped out an entire army in under 15 seconds.)
  • Lifting Strength: Class T (Moved an entire mountain that was blocking his view.)
  • Striking Strength: Likely City Level (Sent Jeff flying with a single punch. Harmed Ms. P, Eyeless Jack and BEN with physical blows.)
  • Durability: City Level (Can take punches from Jeff. Was unfazed by Ms. P and BEN's magical attacks.)
  • Stamina: Incredibly high (swam from Germany back to America without tiring)
  • Standard Equipment: A pen. A pistol. A watch that contains a button that detonates every nuclear weapon the US contains.
  • Intelligence: Low.
  • Weaknesses: Stupidity. Explosions and gunfire trigger his PTSD, causing him to not think properly.

Quotes

Good afternoon. I'm here at the... [looks at the UN emblem] ...un. So, an Indian, a Frenchman, and the Pope are all on a plane. The pilot says, "Hey, are any of you not circumcised?" So the Pope lifts up his robe and says, "Shut up, stupid! You don't even speak English!" The Israeli asks the Japanese guy to open his eyes, but the Japanese man says, "I'm not squinting you crazy Jew, you're the one who sold me these cheap glasses!" What's the difference between a Belgian and a lump of dog shit? The Belgian drinks wine, but the dog shit smells good.
~ Bush to the United Nations.
These men died for their country. Send money to their bitches and hos.
~ Bush while at a memorial site.
Civil unrest, political protests, geezers driving East. My God, this world has gone to Hell. Get me the president. [Rick Bernstein: You are the president, sir.] Good. Then I already know what to do. Let's order lunch.
~ Bush will in a meeting.
"All eyez on me" Hey, this shit is bangin'.
~ Bush while listening to Tupac.
Good, God! The small ones have metal teeth! Jerry's Kids, my ass.
~ Bush while attacking a child he believes is an alien.

Trivia

  • In older Pasta Monsters comics, President Bush wears a scarf.
  • He has a fear of technology. According to the narrator of his propaganda videos, this is, however, a good thing. This keeps the balance of technology in check.
  • According to viewer polls, President Bush is the least favorite main character in the series.
  • His dad is literally a cut-out of a live-action pidgeon. 
  • He has been implied the watch gay porn.
  • He has a net worth of 100 billion dollars, but it just isn't enough for him.
  • Bush represents the deadly sin of Greed.
  • He is based off Mr. Krabs from Spongebob Squarepants.
  • Bush's favorite color is aquamarine.
  • Contrary to his presidential name, he is a duck, not a pigeon.
  • President Bush is 114 years old and fought in both World Wars.
  • Despite his age, Bush retains his physical strength and military experience. He is very durable and strong, able to survive being rammed by a bull and lifting the White House over his head.
  • Bush's favorite movie is Thank You for Smoking
  • Bush's birthday is December 25th.
  • Bush has a watch on his wrist that has a button that detonates all of America's nuclear missiles. 
  • Bush plans on turning Proxy Mansion into a botanical garden should Slenderman die or sell the mansion.
  • He thinks poor/homeless people's lives have no meaning.
  • Bush can inexplicitly breathe in the vacuum of space. When BEN asks why, Bush's explanation is tuned out by Jeff's singing.
  • He hates liberals and Democrats and has effectively outlawed them.
  • It's strongly suggested that Bush is a serial killer. He flatly admits to poisoning other electoral opponents to eliminate the competition; it's strongly suggested that his gardener "got sick" and "fell" off a cliff, that his former vice president "met the shallow end of a shovel at the deep end of a grave" and died recently, and that his 13th accountant choked to death on her own hand, with the strong implication that Bush killed all three.

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